How Social Media Shapes Our Self-Image — For Better or Worse

Introduction:

I still remember the first moment I felt a jolt of inferiority when I was scrolling through Instagram. I was at home in my pajamas on Sunday afternoon, and someone else’s perfectly-designed vacation photos were popping up on my screen. Beautiful light at golden hour, artfully-coiffed individuals striking poses, captions about ‘living my best life’ made me feel incredibly mundane about my actual weekend experience. While seemingly insignificant at the time, that experience is what sparked the complicated way I understand and think about social media’s impact on how I evaluate my identity.

We live in a moment where our identity is more and more mediated on a screen. Each day, many of us wake up and check our phone before we even brush our teeth. We immediately plunge into a digital life that is reflecting exaggerated, filtered, enhanced, and often flimsy versions of ‘life.’ Social media has changed how we create our identity, how we view our identity, and how we communicate our identities to others. The question is not whether social media has changed our sense of identity, it surely does; but how we navigate the choppy waters of empowerment and erosion.

The Mirror That Never Stops Judging

Social media functions like a funhouse lens that presents versions of ourselves that are both authentic and fabricated. We deliberate on what photos to post and which thoughts to share, we even document some moments, and we constantly curate our experiences. This is not normally a bad thing; people have always portrayed perfect representations of themselves to the world. What is different is the incessant nature of our self-presentation, which is coupled with identification with ‘real’ shared experiences.

The like button provides a satisfaction rating of our self-worth. When our post receives dozens of hearts and exciting responses, we feel affirmed, we feel seen, we feel worthy. When it languishes with little engagement, we question our significance. Research suggests that getting ‘likes’ provides similar reward pathway activity in our brains as getting money or chocolate. We are in the process of teaching ourselves to seek our self-worth as an outside validation, as an algorithmic chunk and bite.

This feeling of outside validation seems to matter significantly to younger people. Today’s teenager develops their identity in an environment where every awkward moment, moment of deliberation, and unformed opinion can be screen captured and made permanent. The stakes can seem impossibly high – because in many ways they are. Your digital reputation follows you into your college applications, jobs, and relationships.

The Comparison Trap We Can’t Escape

Theodore Roosevelt once said that comparison is the thief of joy, but he was never flooded with Instagram Influencers or LinkedIn success stories every hour on the hour. Social media has made comparison too easy, it has industrialized the way we measure ourselves against others’ content highlight reel.

Digging deeper we understand that all of us post our best versions of ourselves; it is obvious that those fitness transformations did not happen overnight, the travel photos represent long-saved vacation days, and the career announcement came after a round of countless rejections. Still, emotionally, our rational brain freaks out, I should be fitter, my relationship should look this photogenic, my career progress should look more robust, etc.

Comparing our real life to what others want us to see is exhausting – this is what psychologists would call upward social comparison. We are comparing our behind-the-scenes mess to someone else’s well-edited showreel and wonder why we can’t measure up. The anxiety that comes from comparing ourselves, and convincing ourselves that we feel inadequate is not as impressive as it was a standard generation ago.

It is fascinating to see businesses recognizing these psychological dynamics. Even industries, such as B2B marketing have altered their strategies to consider how aspects of social media influence self-perception in a professional context. For example,a B2B SEO Company may enhance a client’s digital presence not just simply to rank well on search engines, but to also create a representation of innovation/authority that is reflective of how industry professionals view themselves and the company.

More and more, it seems, the same psychological dynamics that influence our personal use of social media are at play in professional environments. The demarcation between who we are and who we want to be seen as professional is not always clear-cut.

The Unexpected Upsides

However, it would be intellectually dishonest to simply equate social media with harm to self-image. In fact, social media has created opportunities for self-discovery and community building that are unparalleled.

For instance, people who may have felt isolated in their physical communities, wars, sexual orientation, gender identity, unique interests, or unusual experiences, can find their community in social media. For example, the teenager living in a conservative small town where there are no other open LGBTQ+ people can find community online; people suffering from a rare medical condition can connect with others that know exactly what they are experiencing; artists can reach audiences that have no way of discovering them in the real world.

Social media has given visibility to many in ways that very meaningfully change the dynamic. There of course have always been individuals who have lived lives that would have made them excluded from mainstream media representation. Now, they can tell their stories. Body positivity movements have challenged rigid beauty constructs, and mental health advocates have normalized conversations about depression and anxiety.

A depth and breadth of voices, of people with experiences that deserve to be included, have been given platforms that have never existed before, and that is simply remarkable. These platforms can also be a wonderful ego boost when used mindfully. We can share our accomplishments, receive positive affirmations from friends, and document periods of personal growth. When we are mindful, we can reinforce the positive senses of self when we navigate this boundary and navigate that experience appropriately.

Finding Balance in a Digital World

So what does this mean for us? The truth is, social media is not inherently bad or good for our self-image; it’s a potent instrument that heightens the best and worst of us. The difference is found in what I call “digital self-awareness.” This means consistently checking in with yourself about the feelings social media use creates for you.

Notice when scrolling leads you to become energized versus depleted. Identify what accounts or figures inspire you and which create spirals of comparison. Be honest if you are using social media to authentically connect or perform in order to seek validation from others.

It also means curating your feed intentionally. Unfollow accounts that make you feel less than before you interacted with them. Search out accounts with a range of voices in order to expose yourself to varied examples of what may feel unrealistic. Remember you still have some choice over what you engage with, even when algorithms would like you to engage in that to determine what you want to see.

Even more importantly, it is about creating your own self-worth, that is not based upon the validation of digital experiences. Find friendships, hobbies, and skills to master, and create experiences that are for you, not for what you think others would want to see. Likes and views do not equate to self-worth, even if the design of these platforms suggest otherwise.

Conclusion:

Social media has changed the nature of how self-image is formed, bringing extraordinary benefits and dangers. Social media provides connection and isolation, empowerment and rivalry, authenticity and performance, sometimes, all at the same time. The platforms are designed to encourage our interaction and not necessarily to promote any sense of well-being, which ultimately puts the onus on us to thoughtfully consider what we engage with in order to promote a sense of wellness.

As we continue into an increasingly digital future, the question is not whether social media should be included but how to approach it genuinely in ways that cultivate a positive self-image rather than detracting from it. That feeling of inadequacy on a Sunday afternoon I mentioned earlier–I still struggle with this from time to time. But, what I do now is identify it for what it is: a prompt to close the app, look away from the screen, and be reminded that my unfiltered, uncurated life is more than enough. In a world of Instagram models, that can feel like the most radical thing that you could do.